counting sheep

i can't sleep. haven't been able to get good shut-eye since landing here. sigh.
i don't want to drink myself into oblivion (more worried about the calories than the long term health hazards), but i can't keep this up. i need my highly entertaining, full color, English language, choose your own adventure dreams. when i'm working at full capacity (which i feel will be soon), i need my rest, i'm not called masa (masandal lang tulog na) for nothing. *yawn*

on a lighter note, flying off to bali on friday night. weeeeeee!!! double treat - i get to go to the beach, and meet up with G to boot! oh i miss them friends so much. i'm so happy she decided to pop over for the weekend!!!

my feet are totally suffering from this new chapter of my life. they're dry and chafed. PLUS! i scratched them in a fit of EQlessness and now they're bruised and red. tsssss. and how ironic that foot spas cost an arm and a leg here. double tssssssss.

i saw my expatriate sheet this morning (although the actual moolah won't be making its way into my pocket til the 26th), and BOY, was i thrilled. nothing can make you forget sadness as only seductive capitalist america (albeit the pale asian cousin version) can. the euphoria actually lasted til lunch. then it was back to the real world. :)

my weekend haul

houston, we have a problem.

i just front spent my salary. god help me if this becomes a habit.

hello lover. after months of EQ, i succumbed last Saturday.
16 GB, got it for 500 SGD with a 2 yr Singtel plan.

2 hours after - i got all clammy with the realization that i have COMMITTED myself to a 2-yr stay - breaking the contract means paying 800SGD (que horror!).

and went wild in charles and keith (didn't buy all 3 at the same time!). have now exhausted the feb carryover and march quota.

you know what's ironic? the heels are the most comfortable among the three. i also got a new bag but too lazy to post a picture for now.

friday is upon us again. we're planning a barbeque for saturday. hope the weather cooperates.

my new bedmate

meet chip. i love him. he cost 20SGD (~650 PHP) but it beats sleeping alone. haha.

he's ready for his close-up

my last shoe purchase (in the philippines)

i was so busy in february i didn't buy any shoes. but a week before i was due to fly off to singapore, i saw these babies and fell in L-O-V-E.

what i love most about them is that i can really walk in them. have done the torture test and it lasted me 1 full day of walking. i am starting to seriously become addicted to zara. god help me.

what did i do to deserve this?!?

i didn't want to write any mushy stuff in this blog, but i just have to let this off my chest.
i realized so many things this past couple of days.
truly, you never know what you have until it's gone. but yet, if we never lose things that are dear to us, we'd never really appreciate their value.

maybe you thought this is a rant post. or a self-indulgent poor-me whine.
i too would have thought that i would be writing one just about now.
but we're wrong on both counts.

in this supposed saddest point of my life, i actually feel quite good, considering the circumstances.
i miss the philippines, i miss everyone. i miss feeling smart and needed and significant.
and yet, i can't seem to complain. all i feel right now is immense gratitude.

i have never felt so loved. i've always been insecure and always eager to please. i look tough and mataray and all that, but deep inside, i'm always afraid that i'd wake up one morning and find out that everyone hated me. childhood insecurities and abandonment issues are not easy demons to kill. but i digress.

the past week, i have felt the palpable love and support and kindness from everyone -surprisingly at a level that i have never imagined. my friend tiff, who is so lazy she wouldn't even throw herself a party (once she actually CANCELLED her party a week before the date), exerted the effort to invite MY friends (take note, people she didn't even know) over to her house for a despedida. and she made her mom cook my favorite food too! anama's mom shocked me, not only with her generosity by giving me clothes, but with her sweet messages. and of course, my sweet sweet Doce and IEP and Proctoid friends - who took time from their busy busy schedule to wish me bon voyage. and their sweet momentos are treasures that i will keep forever.

i almost didn't leave, because amah got sick and if there's one thing that can make me drop everything it would be her. when she was in the hospital i felt so much regret that i was so cranky the past couple of weeks. i realized that life is really too short, and that i should spend more time smiling and thanking my lucky stars instead of cursing the fates.

yes, i am really blessed. i wouldn't trade this life, my friends, and yes, even my neurotic family, for all the riches in the world.

i am loved. the least i can do is love myself in return.